johnz0mbie

Nothing

2009-08-02T17:46:22Z

I've done sod all today and have nothing to say/talk about. I just wanted to use my new Mood Theme.

Spray Paint Art

2009-07-28T15:01:25Z

So, Mark and I bought some spray paints the other day and today we had a shot at some spray paint art, in this case Space Paintings:

Entry #5

2009-05-07T21:50:46Z

Entry #5

Decision Time

07 05 09

22:30

Bit of a depressing post, to be honest. It hasn't been a smooth ride for me, really. Don't get me wrong, it's my fault for that, doesn't mean I have to fucking like it.

Basically, things were going pretty okay for me, education-wise. I got decent GCSE's. My lowest grade was a C, no D's. But, then sixth form happened. I got way too much freedom and I felt way too detached from the school. By the time the tried to "lay down the law", it was far too late.

Then of course this new guy comes in to take over head of sixth form. I'm sure he's a nice bloke and everything but that was the stick that broke the camel's back.. or whatever the saying is. Point is, I had enough and dropped out mid-way through Year 13.

I made a few attempts at trying to get a job, but looking back, I probably should've tried harder. Then I joined College to study Music. From first glances and first impressions, it looked really good. Relaxed, but not too relaxed and it was bigger and seemed better than secondary school. Then I started my first day..

Actually, the first week was pretty good. Met new people, had a fresh start, things were organised, it was good. Then things went downhill and fast. Work was getting lost, not marked, tutors not turning up. Turns out most of the work we did for the first four months was either lost or utterly worthless. That's when I had serious second thoughts, but was told to stick with it, and I gave it a chance. A few months later and things start to pick up. New tutor, a good one, too, and things started getting done. But, the more things started getting "done", the more I started to ask why I was there.

The fact is, I went to that College because I had nothing else to do. I went on a whim and it looked like the best thing to do. I can now say I was wrong. I am not benefitting from the work at all. I've not learnt anything in the year I've been here and it's done nothing but anger and frustrate me. Things have been promised.. new equipment, a new fucking building but.. nothing. We got a few amps in (I think) and a new drum kit. That's all well and good, but with the space we have, it doesn't mean anything.

So, I think instead of thinking "I'll risk doing 2 years of this bullshit course and THEN see what's what", I need to do something NOW. I've thought of two plans that I like the sound of. Quite similar, to each other, they are:

1. Get a full-time job and work for 2 or so years, and then dive back into education and enrol as a mature student for University.

2. Get a part-time job and do a seperate course(s) at a College and earn more than one qualification to then do more things.

3 A-Levels at the end of this 2-year course is great. But, they mean nothing because I don't intend on doing further education in music. I never had. I had hoped that I would learn a lot from this course. They promised a lot and have delivered nothing. I thought I would get experience in playing live... nope. I've done that in my own time. I thought I'd learn a thing or two about the industry.. not really, no. Sure, I've done research in my OWN TIME and learnt what certain people do in the industry.. but, great. I can do that on my computer at home. Wait.. I did do that. Go figure.

I know, most people's response is "why don't you stick it out for the 2 years? you've come this far, you might as well" blah blah blah blah blah. I've heard it, and I've already thought about that. A lot. I'm not necessarily looking for advice. I need to come up with a decision on my own.

As far as music in general is concerned. I still adore it. I love writing music and can't wait to start gigging. But, as far as music as education is concerned? No. I don't like it. I remember why I hated it in school.

What really pisses me off is that my old tutor (who "left") told me with the grades I was getting, I could get the grades to pass the entire 2 years within the first 6 months of the course. Yeah.. right. Lying dickhead.

So, yeah. I'm starting to not make sense. I'm not going to go to College tomorrow. I'm going to wake up early, pack a bag and go out in the world. I'll look high and low and give it my all. Hopefully I might come back with some good news. But just going out there and trying and giving it my absolute all is a step in the right direction, I think.

Anyway, I might write another more light-hearted entry later, but I needed to get that off my chest.

S'later.

Entry #4

2009-05-05T12:18:28Z

Journal Entry 4

05 05 09

13:02

Blah

I should be in College by now. I would be in College by now if the buses were reliable. Unfortunately, they never bloody are. I can't wait to pass my test. If I pass it first time I'll be so happy.

Anyway. Again, not really sure what the purpose of this entry is, but I'm sure I'll find something to talk about.

I wrote the chorus "riff" to the Drop D riff that Tag and I came up with. It's a similar style to 'Sick Love Song' by Motley Crue. I like it. I imagine I'll work on it a bit later but it's starting to take shape, which is nice.

Didn't get to sleep until about 4am last night. Mainly because I was sorting out my bloody new Livejournal. Oh well.

I've noticed I'm starting to become somewhat of a perfectionist. This was first noticable in 'My Music' folder. All of the folders have pictures of the band/artist on it and all the album folders have the album art on it as well as the date of release in brackets. All the details need to be there or I'll just delete them. Insane, much? But if/when I get an iPod, then all the info will be there and it'll be magical.

Had a weird dream last night. I was in Hoddesdon town and the cast of Eastenders walked by acting all hard, which is weird because I've never watched an Eastenders episode all the way through. Anyway, there was a really, really tall guy who brushed past Josh, knocking his shoulder and turned around and did the usual "Come on, then!". So, I approached this giant of a man and yelled at him saying how Josh is half his size and he should maybe try acting that way to someone who matches him. Which is when some guy who we were with (who also happened to be huge) walked up to him and stared him down.

Then the dream cuts to a big brawl and me running away. About 20 people were chasing me, wanting to beat the crap out of me and I ran up these stairs to get into Tescos where I would be relatively safe. But I had to get across the carpark. I ran and ran, elbowing a few people out the way and got into Tescos all bloody and sweaty. Then Hayley Williams (Paramore) came through the door and was like "oh mah gawd r u okai??" and that was it. I love Hayley Williams.

I know it's boring, but I'm still litening to that Mat Weddle cover. That's the last I'll speak of it, I promise.

My alcohol tolerency has gone up quite a lot. Because I don't eat a lot, plus my weight, plus my general light-weightness, I get drunk or at least tipsy very, very easily. It can take as little as one can of beer and I'm slightly tipsy. But last night I had 3 cans o' beer and felt fine. Fun times.

Gender is gonna be what I talk about, I think. I hate how things are so black and white in Society. Even now. I mean, I know it's not as bad as it was in the '50s, but there is still an element of what men and women should do, should look like etc. The way I see it is masculinity is internal, and you don't need to look rugged and manly to be manly. I wear make-up, have long hair and like "girly" things (whatever they are). That doesn't make me any less of a man than the skinheads who headbutt each other to see who's the hardest.

Sacha knows more about this than I do, I'm just saying it how I see it. I don't like how things are so black and white. This artist is THIS kind of genre. This person is THIS kind of person. Bollocks to it all, I say. Why are people scared of diversity? I dunno. I'm probably (definitely) talking bollocks but hey, it's what I do.

I may update this later. I'm gonna play some Warcraft III and listen to the Ricky Gervais Show for a while and forget the outside world for now.

See ya.

Journal #3

2009-05-05T00:12:04Z

Journal Entry 3

04 05 09

End of the day.

It is literally the last minute of the day. 23:59. Oh, now it's tomorrow. But anyway.

I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, to be honest. I'm not doing this out of boredom, just something in my brain said "you have something to say". I'm sure whatever it is will be amazing, but until then I'm just gonna ramble.. as you do. I do that a lot, actually.

I put on the Mat Weddle cover of Hey Ya again.. I can't help it. It really is beautiful. If anyone does actually read this, seriously, listen to it. I know it seems I'm over-hyping it but still. Although, it'll probably have more of an impact if you listen to the original (by Outkast) first.

Anyway. I don't have a driving lesson tomorrow. I'm not sure why, but I have a two-hour lesson on Thursday. We're going up to Stevenage to do a test route. That should be fun. Or it'll be a disaster. Either way, I'm gonna have a good time 'cause I love to drive.

I think the topic of this entry will be music. I'm sure it'll be the topic of most entries but that kind've makes sense.

However, before I do, I am aware that whatever I do say about music will more than likely be a cliche and said a million times before, but there's not a lot I can do about that. I'm not hugely imaginative with language.

Anyway. I think it's this song that has brought this out in me. I love listening to songs that truly extract emotion from you. There could be amazing songs that you listen to, but you only listen to them, you don't FEEL them. This takes nothing away from the music or talent of those songs and artists, obviously. It's just down to personal choice and how you're feeling at the time, I guess. But it's amazing how powerful music is.

When I first decided I wanted to be a musician, about 4 years ago, I was very, very naive. That goes without saying I'm sure, as most people probably are naive when they start out anything, let alone music. But I genuinly knew nothing about music, or about where you can go with it, or anything. I didn't even think about making a living from it, I just wanted to be able to master this instrument (basic classical guitar, which is behind me, now sporting a lovely "shit happens" sticker).

I know, I'm smoking in my room, it's bad.. but.. meh. I'll finish this pack and then get mum to limit me, and make sure I smoke outside. But, I don't wanna talk about smoking. I do that too much and it's boring.

Anyway, back to the point. Music. Saying "music is my life" seems so cheap, considering so many people say it (no disrespect), but I'm going to jump on that bandwagon, simply because I have no better way of summing music up. I don't know what else I would truly enjoy doing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a one-trick pony. I have other interests too such as art, history and psychology. But music is the thing that I can literally do every day. I am addicted to playing guitar. If I go a day without playing guitar, my fingers start getting itchy.

As far as my guitar-playing goes.. well, first I'll explain what I did feel.

I felt that I was shit, because I thought that in order to be good, you need to be able to shred, and thrash, and move really fast and be technically amazing. Now, that is partly true, because if you can only play basic chords you are seriously limiting yourself. However, some of the best songs written are very standard and basic chords.

So! Now I'm of the mindset that it doesn't matter that I'm shite at solo'ing or that I can't play specific chords or I can't play that fast or coherently. The way I play is the way I play. I'm not trying to be anyone else in life, so why should I be anyone else in my guitar-playing? *Cliche warning* I've always wanted to be able to sing. Well, not always wanted to but since being a musician I have. I don't want to be a singer but I'd love to be able to sing. However, I don't want to have lessons. It's not because I can't be bothered, I just don't want to at this stage in my life. So, I sing through my guitar. I think I'm starting to develop my own "style" of playing. Nothing revolutionary like Tom Morello, for example, but I feel that it's mine. Like the chords I wrote for 'Echo of a Song'. Nothing special, but they flow, and I wrote them in one sitting and used my imagination instead of my fingers. I've found, and I think Brian May said this, that I can write better by thinking of a tune in my head and then bringing it out in the guitar rather than just start playing random things and then... I'm lost for words.. then just.. I don't know. But that method seems sort've fake. That being said, jamming also works, because you are in that atmosphere of musicians and you can (and probably will) come out with great stuff just by playing whatever. Not sure if any of that made sense but I know what I'm talking about so fuck it.

As far as the band (or lack thereof) goes, I'm not really one way or the other. Because nothing is happening, I'm just gonna write as much as I want and be happy with what I'm doing. Our potential drummer should be playing with us this time next month which should be cool. Perhaps Mark might play Bass with us for a while until we can find some new blood.

Although, I feel that as far as music goes it's all on my shoulders. Tag, my co-guitarist hasn't really written anything, yet he talks about writing things more than me. It's all well and good saying "Let's write stuff" and "I really wanna gig" but you actually have to DO it. But he's lovely and I love him. He's one of my best mates so it's all good. And hey, if I was the sole songwriter in the band, I wouldn't mind, to be honest. At the end of the day if they try to look to me for everything and I don't have it, then I'm not gonna be blamed. If I am blamed, then, well I don't actually care. But yeah, other than that, I'm hoping it should be good and we'll be gigging by the end of the year.

I shouldn't have gone to pee. Now I don't know what I was talking about. Probably a good thing. I've written quite a lot. I may write more, I may not.

Anyway, s'later.

Journal #2

2009-05-05T00:11:08Z

Journal Entry 2

04 05 09

Me.

I think I analyse myself too much. I look at what I'm like, what I'm doing etc. and nothing really comes of it. I have no motivation to sort myself out, because I don't know if there is anything to sort out.

I'm going to try and avoid saying things like "I'm an arsehole, I need to be nicer" or anything like that, because that doesn't really achieve anything. It doesn't really TELL me anything.

I think I've been going about it all wrong. I've been looking at my life and judging on how good it is by what I'm actively doing. Which is very little.. I think I still need to do that, because it shows me what I should do and stuff, but I also need to look at how.. well, how I look at things (hence, the journal).

My mindset at the moment is 'treat people right and you will be happy', which is true. I've always done that, too, but I've spiralled into this mindset of making myself laugh by doing silly things. Don't get me wrong, silly things are great, because it's all about having fun. But when that's all you're doing, no one is going to take you seriously and you're not going to take yourself seriously. So I'm going to start knuckling down and focusing on things instead of brushing it to one side.

I'm going to stop judging people, too. I hate judging a book by its cover and I try not to, but I still find I do. I know, to a certain degree, it's actually good to judge a book by its cover. It's not good, however, to base an entire view on someone, on what they're like, how they will act etc. on what they look like.

Another thing I need to stop doing is copying what others do. Now, it's not that I DO do that, it's that I sometimes fear that I am doing that. I take inspiration from a hell of a lot of things, which I actually think is really good, but not if it means I'm not being me. I feel that I am being me, though, so that must be good.

I've run out of steam so I'll leave the 'Me' part at that.

I tidied my room today. Well, cleared the floor and desk so it's looking a lot nicer. I slipped up a bit yesterday and smoked in my room quite a lot, which was bad. As far as smoking goes, I really want to get it out of my life, so I'm going to slowly start phasing it out of my every day activity.

This brings me on to Jim Distortion. I've been watching his video diaries on youtube and he's been somewhat of an inspiration as far as getting on with things and conquering things. I didn't realise he was a coke addict, and he's over half a year clean from it. I have huge admiration and respect for him for doing that. I also admire his honesty in his diaries. If he's fucked up or almost fucked up, he will be straight up and tell it how it is. I like that.

I don't have much planned for tonight. I could do some College work. In fact, I will at some point. Other than that I'm just gonna chill and take it easy. I might write more shite if I can think of it. I quite like doing this. Feels liberating in a way.

Anyway, see ya.

Journal Entry #1

2009-05-04T23:53:30Z

Journal. Entry 1

04 05 09

Reasons Why

Today I decided to write down what I'm doing, what i've done and what I plan to do, as well as any thoughts and feelings I may or may not have.

Basically I decided to write a journal.

I guess the main reason for this is so I can just document my life and look back and remember what I've done and what I've thought and felt about stuff.

Excuse the spelling and/or grammar mistakes, by the way.

Yesterday I wrote the music, or the main backbone for 'Echo of a Song' and I'm quite pleased with it. I had written a few sets of chords to it before, but I felt that they just didn't really fit. I didn't FEEL what I was playing, I was just writing for the sake of having music which I don't think songwriting is about.

I've been listening to Mat Weddle's cover of 'Hey Ya' on youtube non-stop. It's a beautiful cover and he pretty much re-invents the song. No disrespect to Outkast because their version is great, too.

Listening to the cover makes you pay more attention to the lyrics, though, and I like songs like the original Outkast version. Bear with me, I'll explain. I like songs that aren't obvious and aren't in-your-face. Like, the song is very upbeat and fun, but I interpret the lyrics as really deep and just.. not what you'd expect from that kind of song. I like that contrast. Don't get me wrong, I love an obviously happy song and an obviously sad song, too, but I just like that subtlety in songs. And art, actually. I like paintings that have more suggestion than blatant "this is here and this is here". I know what I mean, anyway.

Need to stop listening to that song. Some David Bowie is in order, according to Windows Media Player. I agree.

I think I'll end this one, this "chapter" as it were, and start a new one where I talk about myself a lot. Fun fun!

S'later.

New Livejournal

2009-05-04T23:52:33Z

Yeah, I got bored with my old journal and just wanted to start a new one.

This will be for proper entries rather than one entry every 2 billion years.

So, enjoy. Or don't enjoy. Either way, whatever turns you on.